why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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