ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
