So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
