sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Randomize