She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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