Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
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