So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
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