this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
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