my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
