we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
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