I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
Randomize
