This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
Randomize
