If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
