So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
