it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
