I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
Randomize
