You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
