I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Randomize
