did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
