More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Randomize
