WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
Randomize
