it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
Randomize
