I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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