Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
