I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
This is classic penis vs brain.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
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