She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Randomize
