So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
