Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
I puked a lego.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
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She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
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