you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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