My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
Randomize
