I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
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