I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
Randomize
