Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
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