quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
