The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
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