i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
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