Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
Randomize
