I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
Someone shattered a urinal.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
Randomize
