I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
