my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
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