My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Randomize
