Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
Randomize
