$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize