Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
Randomize