were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
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I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
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I have feelings that need drinking.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
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