Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
Drake has all the answers
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
I want a musical about memes.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
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