I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
Randomize
