someone owes me an orgasm
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
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