We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
Randomize
