I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
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