How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
