Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Randomize
