I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
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