you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
