You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
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