i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
Randomize
