he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
