direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
