I just saw a hot homeless man
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
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