Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
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