I think I died a long time ago.
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
