Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Randomize