just tell him i said nine months
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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