I'm drive I can fine osifer
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
