Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Randomize
