She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize
