now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
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