I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
