party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
Randomize
