Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
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