"women exchanges sex for chips" on msnbc
damn even the hoes are getting hit by this economy
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
