here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Randomize
